Mondi's Tourist Food Guide: If You Eat at Phils, Fuck You
It’s Comic Con weekend again, which can only mean one thing -- Downtown San Diego is about to be a shit-show with tourists from all around the world, all just flocking in just to get a chance to breathe the same air as the Black Ranger (San Diego legend).
With the influx of tourists coming to San Diego this weekend, all the most popular restaurants will obviously be a corral for people that look like they hate women or decided to skip the daily shower for the day (nothing wrong wit being a lil musty just wash your ass). Maybe you’re a tourist or even a local and you don’t feel like dealing with the wave of people invading this fine city to go to some bullshit place. If that's the case, then this guide is for you; a whole list of the REAL restaurants, broken down by food choices. We got you.
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Wings: Riviera Supper Club (La Mesa) / Royal Mandarin (National City)
Recently on Twitter I seen a tweet that said “Real Daygo Food Thread" which proceeded to absolutely dump a list of food places that shit the bed every time. On said list was “Wings Empire” which honestly isn’t bad, I get it sometimes the mid be hittin. But did you know Wings Empire is a government agency meant to kill people? Their most popular item, Buffalo Chicken Fries was created by Ronald Reagan in the 80’s to kill people, please avoid unless you support Ronald Reagan.
That being said, If you’re in the mood to stunt, eating that top shelf Riviera Supper Club is the absolute loudest pack. Shout out my dad for putting me onto this spot. (Tip: On Wednesday they even have 85 cent wings.)
With this being a tie, Royal Mandarin needs no introduction, a fucking staple in San Diego. No frills and straight to the point. The Salt & Pepper wings are always on 10.
Honorable Mention: Twist (North Park)
San Diego rapper, Amon, on Royal Mandarin:
Best in the city, been for years. They are sensational. The crystallized salted glaze over the crispy yet soft succulent chicken wing is immaculate. The spice and tang that is added by the green onions takes it over the top. Diabetics dream meal.
Burgers: Balboa Bar & Grill (Bankers Hill)
I don’t really like restaurants that 1) have great branding or 2) try making some food with all kinds of shit on it to appeal to Instagram. It’s like how they say people who drive huge trucks have small dicks, I feel the same way about food. What are ya'll compensating for?
Balboa Bar & Grill is the opposite. Every time I go in there I feel like they want me to leave immediately and look pissed when I order. Which is fine, so long as they project their hate on me and all their love on the burger. Don’t come up in here and order some other shit and embarrass yourself, just stick to the Balboa burger (maybe add a fried egg if you're freaky) and you can't go wrong. (This only counts for the original location, I can’t speak on the new one in Chula Vista.)
Honorable Mentions: The Friendly (North Park) / Rocky’s Crown Pub (Pacific Beach)
Pizza: Luigi's (Golden Hill)
Classic spot, never fails. It is really hard to get bad pizza almost anywhere, so you can’t go wrong with going to any of the popular pizza spots in the city. Luigi’s in Golden Hills, though, is my favorite. So many times I’ve come in here comatose off the pack to enjoy 2 slices outside to sober up for a drive home. Big tip: sometimes if you go in right before they close, they have $1 slices and you can get a whole pizza for like $7. Also, fun fact: one time I went out with this girl and I was so high at Luigi’s that I just slept in my car while she ate her pizza next to me and woke up like nothing happened and went home, I haven’t spoken to her since.
Honorable Mention: Bronx Pizza (Mission Hills) / The Friendly (North Park) / Sicilian Thing (North Park)
Mexican Food: Las Cuatro Milpas (Barrio Logan)
Legendary spot, people who don’t like it are usually racist or eat at Lucha Libre. The handmade tortillas are enough to come back by themselves. Not to mention everyone looks like one of my tias, it makes for a very comforting experience.
Taco Shop: La India Bonita (Chula Vista)
Taco shops are a very sensitive subject and I'm pretty sure people would die for their preferred Taco shop, which i respect because I don't care about anything that much. One thing I do care about, though, is pointing out the Mental Illness that LA and The Bay people suffer from, which is thinking they have better taco shops than San Diego.
Anyways, my favorite taco shop is located down the street from my house and has been there since I was a kid. This place makes everything good and very few things bad. Since this is such a hot topic question though, I asked some friends what their favorite taco shops were and why:
Jason Huggins (DJ / 5&A Dime Owner):
Adalberto’s. I like their potato tacos and they’re fast.
Mr. Sillas (DJ):
Humberto’s, their red salsa goes a long way.
Richie Moon (Designer/Illustrator):
Cabai’s in Hillcrest, it’s a small mom and pop shop that no one knows about. You’re able to swap out fries for tot’s in your California burrito, they also have the best aguas de frutas.
Eddie Zuko (Rapper):
La Fachada in Barrio Logan
PLACES YOU MUST AVOID (OVERRATED AND OVERPRICED):
Point blank this shit is not good. Unless you're from the middle of the country or visiting from Japan, I don’t understand why you're still eating here.
Where to go instead: Cali Comfort (Spring Valley) / Coops (Lemon Grove)/ Grand Ole Asado (North Park)
This place is embarrassing bro. They deadass be brining the chicken in hot dog water. I gave this place three tries and each time it was bad.
Where to go instead: Bankhead Mississippi (Spring Valley) / Bonnie Jean’s Soul Food Cafe (Rolando)
It’s truly time to boss your life up and avoid this spot. The middest of mid being carried by branding and those dumbass rocks that are on fire.
Where to go instead: Izakaya Masa (Mission Hills)
These mfers are not slick. They just be adding random shit to pancakes and beat the shit out of your pockets. The North Park location smell like a porta potty too. (Editors Note: nah yeah fr, Breakfast Republic is the reason capitalism doesn't work, you let mfs order these big ass breakfast plates that all tastes like cardboard but look nice, and next thing you know, you have seven locations and are out displacing homeless people as a result. It isn't worth it. Don't eat here.)
Where to go instead: Family House of Pancakes (National City / Chula Vista)
This place truly had it's run, but fell the fuck off. I'm not gonna lie I really used to rock with this place heavy (Sidenote though: I eat trash sushi, when I went to japan, I had 0 sushi because i wasn't tryna disrespect, I love all the rolls that people hate on with the exception of the basic bitch California roll). (Editors note: Okay, sorry for interrupting again but nah, Sushi Deli goes HARD, Mondi is tweakin with this one, that Katie Roll goes in.)
Where to go instead: Izakaya Naruto (Chula Vista)
It’s crazy how much tryna get some pussy make you pretend to enjoy overpriced shit (this go for a lot of spots up in Convoy, except Somi Somi. Go up in there and tip the homie extra.)
Where to go instead: I don’t know, when it comes to desserts nothing can top Sonic’s or the McDonalds McFlurry.
Soda & Swine
Idk about eating pork, but it deadass say in the bible don’t eat no swine and that shit is in the name, so who are you gonna trust, God or the white man? These fools been finessing the whole damn time and just because they’ll give you a float with any soda you want, ya'll some plebs.
Fam just go to a frat house and postmates some Wingstop, it’s the same shit.
Bruh if you’re from San Diego and enjoy going here don’t even speak to me, thank you.
ACTUAL MUST GO-TO PLACES:
Tasty Noodle House (Convoy)
My favorite chinese food place, I can eat here everyday
Rose Donuts (Linda Vista):
The absolute best donuts and they're open 24/7. One time I came here suuuuper drunk and did the whole Chance the Rapper verse from “Ultralight Beam” in the parking lot.
Plant Power (Ocean Beach)
Had to include a vegan spot for the plant based homies, the Rambler really be snapping and not to mention vegan spots always have the best fries and ketchup.
Salt & Straw (Little Italy)
This isn’t MUST GO, but I just wanted to rant about it. The ice cream is great but if you wanna see white privilege in action go in here and watch some girl who probably love horses and AR-15’s sample every single flavor while the lines is down the block (Sidenote: It’s ice cream why the fuck do you need to try every flavor?)
The Good Stuff Cookie Co. (Downtown)
On god these are so fire, I don't care that they're the homies. Cravory can fuck off, the new smores flavor cookie they just dropped is Album Of The Year.
Fruteria Copacabana (National City)
My favorite fruteria, shout out my king Philip Martin for putting me on.
The Friendly (University Heights)
I mentioned it twice above but this is my 2nd favorite burger in San Diego. The cool thing about this place is at times I've gone in and heard UGK playing, which is great, but also they usually have a different special everyday and at times have local chefs come in to collab.
Jose’s Pollos Estillo Acapulco (Sherman Heights)
Finally Jose's. The bigggg plug when youre broke. Come here when times are looking rough and also when they're not, they got you either way.